SHAKE SHAKE PREEMPTIVELY PLANS HER WEDDING

Cross-posted from WATERWATERWATERBOYSSEXALONE

okay, loyal readers...I was going to write about Ed Gein (because he is my fave serial killer!) or about how Jay Leno is NOT A CONSERVATIVE or a REPUBLICAN or any of those rightwing nutsos (proof).

[FUCKING SIDENOTE: ED GEIN MOVIE IS ON IFC RIGHT NOW. AND I DIDNT SEE IT UNTIL AFTER I STARTED THIS BLOG POST. SO *TOOFT* TO ANYONE WHO DOESNT BELIEVE IN HORRIFYING COINCIDENCES.]

Here is my wedding in a nutshell to prove im an irrational girl:

Husband: something along these lines and these lines.
Location: over my father's dead body....?
Time of Year: October!
Moderator: A Nixon archivist?? or whoever this person is..
Color Scheme: orange and green for my dress and everything brown-autumnal with orange accents and even smaller tiny cute green gooseberries in the flower arrangement
Age: 27
Dress: something extremely colorful wth a modified hoopskirt. maybe like this, but orange and green!
Bouquet: kale and gooseberries and tinyorange gourds???
Food: a whole side of beef in mole sauce + vegan organic sashimi lavaash crumpets etc
Bridesmaids: depends if i still have any female friends by then?? no looking likely.
Groomsmen: motley crew of gangmembers + meatbackers + union stewards
Fave Photo Op: my husband chasing me through nixon's birth home and surrounding farms and then ripping of his bear costume to reveal gang tattoo. then he kills and eats a selection of my entrails after we have been married exactly 23 minutes.
Finale: BBQ of my organs in the same pit with the entire side of beef

Marriage

One day, when the closest I get to people isn't giving the terrorist fist jab, I will get married.


At my wedding, my goal will be to get eveyrone, except me, as drunk as possible.

Fountains of Gin.